I tiptoe around directly speaking of religion. It is not because I do not believe. It probably is because I do believe. In fact, I believe very strongly. I will also say, it was not always easy. It was not always so heartfelt. It was not always my decision to participate. In fact, I strayed for a while. I was born into a household that followed a very conservative religious background and therefore, that is what I learned. As I grew older and more aware of people and their actions, I saw the elders that I “idolized” acting outside of the doctrine that I was taught, or at least my small interpretation of the dogma I learned. That crushed me. It caused me to question everything I had learned. It did not stop me from going to church when I was home because even as an independent adult, when I slept in my parent’s home I was expected to attend the church functions without fail.

That paints a bleak picture of organized religion and the effect it had on me. Yet, within that dogma and doctrine, I learned faith and belief. I can cite numerous examples of situations and learning that could only come from Divine Guidance. For example, when we took my father off life support, we were called into his room to say our final goodbyes. Before going into the room, I checked my phone to make sure it was off so none of us were disturbed, and this would be as peaceful as possible. As we were ushered out of his room so they could declare him dead, my phone rang. It was my best friend calling to check on me. That phone was off, I know it was, yet the call I needed came through. That is just one example of why I believe.

So why tiptoe when I have such great examples of God’s intervention in my life. It comes from fear. My fear is my knowledge is not complete enough. I have a jumble of Bible citations running through my brain. Well, I should say partial citations. Some of the verses are half memorized and being able to site the book, chapter, and verse a near impossibility. The irony in writing this is, the most prominent verse that comes to mind is, “Fear not!” I guess that should be my calling to be better at professing my faith and my religion.

Why bother writing this? That is a great question. I allude to my foundation all the time and how it saw me through some of the darkest times of my life. Ironically, those times came after I reunited with my religion. Had I not healed that broken part of me prior to the breaking of my psyche, I do not know. The foundation was there, and I was able to access it. That is what I do know. It is my morale compass. It helps me in my decision making. It helps define who I am.